Funny Things to say to a pregnant lady, particularly one with an underlying chronic illness:

1)   “You better sleep now, because you won’t sleep after the baby comes!”

Thanks for this tidbit of helpfulness. I struggled with all kinds of sleep issues including terrible insomnia prior to ever being pregnant. And now that I’m pregnant, of course that got so much easier.

In fact, it’s a looming fear that I won’t be able to function due to lack of sleep after the baby, so make sure to remind me of this fear. It’s absolutely hilarious and you’re giving me real world prepping advice!

2)   Me: “Wow, the baby kicks a lot. It’s kinda cool but weird.”

You: “Just wait until after she’s born and kicking you with shoes on!”

Oh, so you wanted to see my cringe face! No really, you shouldn’t have. You could have just offered me a dirty tissue, bad coffee, or a colon cleanse coupon if you wanted to see my cringe face, but this is a funny substitute.

Actually, I have weak muscle tone from my health issues. If I can physically carry that baby after three months, I’ll be lucky or it’ll be a miracle. And lifting the baby off the floor will be a whole other heart rate sky-rocketing can of worms considering the tachycardia I have.

3)   “Your life is going to be over now.”

Lolololol! I’ve already been through periods of time of being bedridden, hospitalization, needing wheelchair help, unable to maintain a career or romantic relationship, considering suicide when the physical pain got so bad. My life is going to be over NOW? Now you say? *falls off the couch laughing*         

4)   “The second trimester will be much better.”

LMAO.  Ummmm we’re in the second trimester now. Where’s my unicorn?

5)   “You have a doctor for your health issue, right? What does he say?”

*shaking my head*

No, I do not have a specific doctor for my health issue. Actually Dysautonomia specialists are extremely, extremely rare. And even a specialist is playing catch up with the research. Dysautonomia diagnoses “POTS” are syndromes that have not been determined to have a definitive cause. Anything could be the cause. Multiple things could be the cause. There is no fix.

I spend a lot of my medical consults informing the doctors about my health issue.

This quote is similar to "But you have a high risk OBGYN, right?"

I love my OBGYN but he does not understand my health issue specifically.

6)   Me: “I’m upset about how crappy my job maternity leave is.”

You: “Actually, that company is better than most in the states.”

OR

You: “It’s amazing women even get paid for having a baby these days.”

These are funny because they completely undermine my fear of being able to function after the baby because of my chronic illness and being able to support us. I get to feel more inadequate than the average healthy woman having a baby, while feeling guilty that I’m not more grateful.

7)   “Oh yeah I had a lot of fast heart rate when I was pregnant too.”

Unless you’re a POTS or NCS patient, or dealing with a chronic illness that has extremes in heart rate, I find your statement hilariously naïve.

On Trying to Be a Better For Her

Like many moms to be I want to be the best mom I can be to my daughter to be. I want her to be able to look up to me as a role model—as a thriving writer and artist—as someone who pursued and continues to pursue being creative because that is who I am to the core.

 This is complicated in a weird way. I was so chronically ill for years that my career fell behind. I often feel like I lost about ten years of my life. I’m playing catch up. And yet, it’s kind of hard to catch up with a baby on the way.

I feel the weight of financial stress—of trying to prep for baby, of trying to save up money for all the impending medical expenses, of trying to save up for a wedding too. There’s that nagging If Only, If Only, If Only . . .

If only I had figured out a stay at home career in my twenties that could’ve supported myself. If only I had even been well enough to begin with. If only I had researched biochemistry earlier to figure out my genetic issues.

 I know. I can only live for the present and hopeful for the future. I can’t dwell on the past. But as a memoirist finishing up a book, I had pretty much forgiven myself for all of these things—for not being “good enough” because I was so sick—for not being as successful as I could’ve been.

 But now with the baby on the way, call it the hormones or whatever, but those feelings are coming back up. Doesn’t everyone re-assess their lives when a baby is on the way? And how do you reconcile that with a life of chronic illness?